I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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