my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
