watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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