I'm jealous of your bromance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize