he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
