I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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