I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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