cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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