Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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