Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
