But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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