Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We are two peas in an std pod
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
