were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize