every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
