were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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