I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
