I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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