The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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