Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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