My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
