Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
