Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
