This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
