I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
