woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
