you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
