Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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