only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize