I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
