Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize