Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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