Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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