He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Enjoy the penises
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
