She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
