i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
