somebody snuck up and got me drunk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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