Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
