and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
