you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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