I skipped work to stalk him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize