Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize