Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
