i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
COCAINE IS GR8
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
