Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just forgot I was standing up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
