4 words: hood of his car
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They took my balls.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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