just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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