Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
