My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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