Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
