i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ketchup is God's man juice
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
