butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
