Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
