Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
