The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
