Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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