i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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