i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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