I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize