that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
