Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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