I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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