At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
