Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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