Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
