two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
