hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
