My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
