is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
