I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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