I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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