I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
