Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
