he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
