got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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